A Baby At 43 Years Old Post-Marriage
Ambre Dahan on having a third baby 15 years after her first. Plus, love, loss and her nontraditional relationship with her ex.
“My life is an evolution over many years.”
Ambre's candidness is disarming. She leans into the big stuff: love, loss, motherhood, and nontraditional relationships - an hour with her is like a week with anyone else.
We spoke recently, and dove into it all. Ambre – whom I envisioned on the call to be perched on a chair in the corner of her sunlit bedroom in Hollywood Hills with her three-month-old daughter sleeping next to her – shared her story, from Paris to LA to marriage and motherhood, separating to dating and beyond. Not to mention her evolved relationship with her ex-husband, whom she refers to as her business partner and best friend, and how, at 43 years old, she just had a baby with her boyfriend.
She launches in, “You know, it's the most magical thing to have a baby in the house again. I always wanted a third. I would see pregnant women, and my heart would skip a beat...”. Then, her raspy voice softens to a whisper, “Although my older daughters, now 14 and 15, were very against it at first. They were scared our relationship would change, and I wouldn't have time for them. During the pregnancy, they never wanted to touch my belly or talk to me about the baby. But now they're so in love with her...” her voice trailed off. “It's the best! You should have another baby too!” she declared to me.
“I must say, though, it's SO much work. When you have older kids, you forget what it’s like to have a baby. Plus, my boyfriend, her dad, just left for Kauai for work this morning and will be gone for a month, so the majority of responsibility falls on me.” She paused to coo at her baby.
A mutual friend in LA introduced us. Ambre, with her golden energy, sun-kissed hair, bare face, and bronze skin, is the co-founder of SPRWMN (aka SUPERWOMAN), which she launched with her ex-husband, denim industry legend Joe Dahan. Our meeting was serendipitous, given her thought-starting intuition and openness to life's many chapters.
“Love has always been at the forefront of my life. I arrived in NYC at 23 years old for an internship at Cartier,” she said, “I was hysterically sobbing when my mom took me to the airport in Paris because I knew, deep down, that I would never return. But, like everything, I followed my intuition; something was calling me to the US. Boarding that flight cast me into adulthood and my life.”
“I had met Joe briefly at a trade show just before leaving Paris and was reintroduced after I moved to NYC. He was a real character, this sexy, older guy, 12 years my senior, with long hair. He also spoke French because he’s Moroccan. I didn't think a person could be more sexy. With him, the world seemed possible. Shortly after we started dating, he asked me to move to LA to be with him.”
And so she did…
“We lived in Malibu in a super cool little cottage on the beach. After a few months, the culture shock of LA set in; I was like: ‘What am I doing here? I'm super well educated and now I'm going to sell jeans?’”
At the time, Joe, who was starting Joe's Jeans, was yet to be discovered. Together, they built a business that sparked an entire genre of denim styling (thank you, Joe's Jeans, for the low-slung, 3” rise, Y2K denim phenomenon). A year later, Ambre had her first daughter, followed by her second – she was 25, and he was 37.
“It was a fun time for Joe's Jeans… life was great!”
And then, overnight, everything changed. “Joe and I separated abruptly, and my entire life seemingly unraveled,” Ambre recalls, “that said, Joe was my family and my creative partner. And while we were no longer a couple, I still loved him and wanted him in my life. So, I got very real with myself and figured out how to embrace and create a new phase and type of relationship with him.”
“At the same time, we lost Joe's Jeans, and were in a devastating financial crisis. So, even though we lived separately, we stuck together. Going through that stressful time set the tone of our separation: we support each other no matter what. There is a lot of reciprocity between us. I'm also a peacemaker by nature and wanted to make our separation as harmonious as possible. Everyone always says that we are the best-divorced couple ever.”
Ten years later, Ambre calls him her biggest champion. They are both in new relationships and travel together as a group for holidays. Since the separation, Ambre dated several guys before meeting Teva, her boyfriend, while surfing in Hawaii a few years ago.
“I've never been a serial dater. It's not very French to date a lot of people at once. Therefore, six months after Joe and I broke up, I met and dated a really nice guy from Norway for four years. He had two kids, like me, and was the ideal transition post-marriage. The guy I dated after him also had kids but wasn't my perfect match. When that ended, I crafted a short and concise list of what I wanted in a partner: kind, funny, no have kids and a surfer! I got my wish on all accounts.”
Three months ago, at 43 years old and 15 years after having her eldest daughter, she and Teva had a baby together. With a new baby at this particular moment in Ambre's life, applying a metaphor – a fresh start, a new chapter, a page turned - and gleaning inspiration comes easily. The big takeaway is that you never know where life will take you, but following your intuition is paramount.
Amazed by the enlightenment of Ambre's story and her capacity to take life as it comes, I wondered how their dynamic plays out day to day.
“Joe and I are business partners, which is unique given the circumstances, but there is no one I trust more. Sometimes we find ourselves in funny situations, like the other day when Joe and I went to see a store for SPRWMN in the Palisades. I was giving the baby a bottle in the back seat while Joe was driving. When we arrived at the store the broker congratulated us on our new baby and Joe was like, ‘that's not my baby, that's the surfer's baby,’ and we all had a laugh about it. It's not your average separation, that's for sure, but it’s our life.”
It's taken time and patience to get to this place. “Everything in life comes with work. You have to ride the roller coaster. Accept that there are scary moments but know that you will overcome them.” She concludes.
“It was a total surprise when I found out I was pregnant! I was so nervous to tell Teva. I love him, but we hadn’t been together very long and I wasn't sure if we were ready to have a baby. When I sat him down to tell him that I was pregnant, my tone was so serious that he thought I was going to break up with him! He was caught off guard when instead I said I was pregnant. He's obsessed with his daughter! Seeing him hold her makes everything right in the world.” She continued in a stream of consciousness, “Plus Teva and Joe adore each other, so much so that we all recently went to Hawaii along with Joe's girlfriend and the three kids!”
I marveled at how progressive they are and how comfortable she is in her life, which continues to be a life she built with Joe, and is building with Teva.
Before we got off the phone, I asked her advice for anyone going through life transitions. “Trust your intuition,” she said. “Create boundaries. And love yourself first.”
“And, know that there is always a chance for a new beginning,” she concluded.
As I hung up the phone, I took a deep breath and let it all settle in. Reminded once again in the power of approaching life – and all its unexpectedness – with love and openness.
Ambre, the picture of radiance, holding her baby @ambredahan.