“Mama, Do You Believe In Love?”

13 women weigh in.

"Do you believe in love?" my daughter asked the other day.  

"What?" I said. Stunned. Partially because she deigned to speak to me about something other than her social calendar or to ask for more minutes of screen time, but mostly because such a "big" question came out of the blue. 

"Do you believe in love?" she repeated. "I mean it's literally all you talk and all you write about, so I want to know what you think of love?" 

Totally caught off guard, I took a beat. Well, I thought, the easy answer is yes, but it's more complex than that. 

What I wanted to say was, I guess, a bit much: 

I believe that chemistry, passion, joy, sex, and respect all together equal love. I believe that sometimes love can be as natural as the cosmos, while other times, it takes tremendous effort. Sometimes, love is a big, beautiful, considerable force of nature; other times, it's a quiet, soft, unassuming thing. And sometimes love fades, but hope remains, while other times, the opposite, hope wanes, but love is eternal.

But rather than say all that, I simply answered, "Yes. Yes, I do. Wholeheartedly. I believe in love, and that it has the power to ground you and the ability to give you wings. And I believe that love, in all its forms, is essential. Essential to being."  

She said, "me too." And then she was off, out the door to see her friends.

Standing there, I realized that quick conversation had moved me to the core - and I needed it. I spent most of the night thinking about (and reading about and writing about) the spectrum of what love means to different people. I woke up, still thinking about it.  What does it really mean to “believe in love?”  You can spend hours on each word, actually.  

So I asked a few influential women in my life — 13 thought-provoking, game-changing ladies in NYC and LA to be exact — the same seemingly simple question, "Do you believe in love?"

Here's what they had to say (with one voice note and a video, too).

“I LOVE LOVE. But what is love?”  ~Savannah (hit play)

“To quote Fleabag, the series, 'Love is not something that weak people do.’ ” ~Michelle 

“Three things actually: 1) You can never lose what's meant for you. 2) You can never say the wrong thing to the right person. 3) It is better to be alone than to be with someone who makes you feel lonely.” ~Lauren 

“In the end love is enough. Love is always enough.” ~Nicole 

“I learned so much about love after my marriage ended. Love builds you up. Love makes you feel safe, like you can do anything — search for that. Lust fades like a watercolor painting over time but a true partner is forever. Hand in hand.” ~Sami 

"In love, you have to be unafraid to put all your cards on the table. That, and want to rip each other’s clothes off all the time. That fire is the most important element. Sometimes it flickers so you gotta fuel it if and when it does." ~Camilla 

"Eternal, powerful, beautiful. At least that's what I believe about my love." ~Aly 

“Recently, I had this exchange with my mom, and I think it says everything: 

‘Mama, I'm in love.’

To which she responded:  

‘Does he feed your mind? Yes.

Does he feed your soul? Yes.

Does he feed your ego? Yes. 

Good.’ ” ~Amanda 

"I believe that if it's anything less than extraordinary, it's a waste of time." ~Dotty 

"Love could heal this world. Right now, humanity needs to find it's way back to love." ~Ambre

"Love means feeling like you're at home with someone no matter where in the world you might be with that person." ~Sheba

“I believe love is rooted in deep emotional safety and open, soulful communication. It’s loving someone fully for everything they are, including all their beauties and their flaws. It’s allowing them a safe space to be their most authentic self. It’s adapting, learning, exploring and being curious together. It’s experiencing life in the most alive format. That’s true love and happiness to me — and a life worth living.” ~Emily

“This. This says it all…” ~Nanda (hit play)

As for me, well, if you have any doubt about whether I believe in love, that would be shocking. You've heard it from me — I believe in love. I live for love. I am relentless in seeking, sharing, embracing, and spreading love. But after reading and receiving all of these messages, I dug back into my writing and saw such variety in my expressions of love. No matter if it's romantic, platonic, or self-love, love can be vociferous and triumphant. And it can also be calm and consistent. It's a warm hand holding yours. It's shouting 'I love you!!' at a Coldplay concert and feeling like every chord and every lyric is being played just for you. It's seeing them across the room, enraptured in conversation and beaming with pride. It's sunset walks and sunrise cuddles. Midnight kisses. It's memes sent back and forth. It's sipping coffee (so much coffee). And the (many) texts asking "How are you? How's your heart?" It's addressing problems together. It’s the thick and the thin. It's hard. It's complicated. It takes work. And faith. Its tears cried on shoulders. Many of them. And smiles. Millions of them. And hurt feelings, too. It's forgiveness.

It's safe. It's free. It's liberating. It's magic... to which I believe. Of course, I do.