Yesterday morning, a girlfriend asked if I wanted to join her for a sauna and cold plunge. Yes, to the sauna. Nervous about the plunge. But, Iāll meet you there!
Upon entry, I had to fill out one of those questionnaires: Name, number, and a litany of medical questions that began with: Are you under the influence of drugs or alcohol? No. Are you pregnant? Definitely not. Are you healthy? Thatās abstract. Yes.Ā
Breezing through 45 minutes of infrared sauna was a no-brainer. Then came the icy waters, where I took my first-ever 6-minute breathwork ice bath! Side note, the first minute was the hardest.Ā
Submerged in the frozen bath, my only thought was, Am I healthy?
Powering through the 4-minute mark to Miley Cyrus' āFlowers,ā I was reminded of a time a few years ago when, at a dear friend's birthday dinner, her mom pulled us aside and said, "Your 40s will be your best. Enjoy them, girls!"Ā
At this moment, in this icy water, I felt that.
There we were, two hard-working, single moms in our 40s living very full lives doing a cold plunge on a Saturday morning. And not for nothing, from what I can remember, we don't look like the 40-year-old women from when I was a kidāall shoulder pads, teased hair, and aqua eyeshadow.Ā
But if everyone says 40s are the best, then why are so many women complaining? Be it over dinner or in print, examples abound from Nora Ephron's later-in-life books, I Feel Bad About My Neck and I Remember Nothing, to Kelly Oxford's recent Substack post about how sheās "dripping into the earthā (which is actually funny, you should read it).
Is it time for me to start complaining, too?Ā I think not.
Sure, there are things out of place, battle wounds, and so many annoying doctor appointments to book. But overall, this is the most in shape, balanced, and boundaried I've felt in decades! Though none of this is by chance. I attribute my feel-good feels to two workouts, my skincare routine, quality relationships, loveālots of itāand my general well-being. All of which emanates from the inside out. Iāll share my exact routine below.
But before I do, one quick note about doctor appointments. The other night, one of my best friends said, "If you donāt know that I think Iām dying of something at all times, then weāre just not that close.ā I laughed. It's true, she always thinks that. But it reminded me ofĀ this article, which I found interesting, about all the appointments we have to make in our mid-thirties and beyond. Itās worth checking out.Ā
Back to the topic at hand. While Iāve never thought much about my chronological age, I have thought about what it means to age. How could I not? We, as women, are our own worst enemy. Everything we do is a disservice to us. We cast teenage models with flawless bodies to sell us clothes. We use phrases like "her clock is ticking." We talk about how old we feel. How droopy our boobs are. How fat we are. How saggy our skin is. And how much filler we need. All in service of this tedious narrative that young is beautiful and old is not. Why do we still have such limited imaginations for how a woman can look, feel, or be?Ā
When I was a teen in the 90s, I read Vogue's "Look Beautiful At Every Age" articles, which were likely meant to be encouraging but were actually condescending. The ones with matronly-looking women representing the 30+ demo and gorgeous, glowing women portraying the under-30s that implied: See, you can be 30 and still be beautiful! Followed by pages of ads offering Capri Slims and Slim Fast that practically screamed: Smoke these and drink this to avoid becoming fat and old! Old, like 30.Ā
By the time I reached my twenties, it was the aughts, and the world had changed a little. There were no more cigarette ads, and articles featuring Jennifer Aniston and Demi Moore claimed that the 40s were the new 30s. The NY Times began reporting, "stars are redefining age," Diane Von Furstenberg said, "Being 40 today is what 30 used to be, and 50 is the new 40,ā and 40-year-old Demi Moore was cast to play opposite 30-year-old Cameron Diaz in Charlie's Angels ā love that for her!Ā
In contrast, there were also articles being published by The NY Times debating whether or not it was appropriate for women over 40 to have long hair. Say whatttt??!!Ā Ā
Shortly after, at 25, I married a man older than me. I remember wanting to speed up the aging process to look more like his female friends: mature and confident. I couldnāt wait to turn into my most chic selfāthe one Jennifer and Demi had promised. Back then, I would cringe anytime someone said how young I looked. This for me was the equivalent of your great aunt pinching your cheek in a patronizing way, or as though Iād shown up to a dinner party without clothes on. Iām sure it was meant as a compliment, like the Vogue article, but it just made me feel awkward. I would blush, āThank you?āĀ
Once I became a mom, I felt slightly nearer to adulthood and entirely out of my league. Following that, I went through a series of heartbreaks and my face spoke of how lost I was. Because thatās what faces do. Especially mine. They tell our story. Even when we donāt want them to. Whatās happening on the inside is showing up on the outside. In my twenties, when I was less confident or sure-footed, it told that story. And, in my thirties, when I felt sad, lovestruck, or heartbroken my face told that story, too.Ā
Then, I grew up a little and then a lot. I mothered. I fell in love. I cherished my amazing friends. I traveled. And time passedānearly ten years. Now, rooted firmly in the middle, with a face that speaks to how I feel: happy and balanced. The girl I was all those decades ago, isnāt the woman I grew to be, but I like her and the story her face has to tell.Ā
As I said before, Iām not leaving things to chance. I was raised on hikes and salt water, with a dad who always said good health is everything because without it, you canāt show up for your family, dates, lovers, kids, careers, etcetera. Therefore taking care of myself has always reigned supreme. But for years, I got it all wrong. I worked out to the point of injury and went on obsessive food jags. While Iām still the queen of On-The Side, May-I-Sub-This-For-That, and No-Garlic-Please, Iāve finally mastered my fitness (two workouts that have completely changed my body over the past seven months ā Iām not kidding!) and skincare routine (no freezing, no filling).
Here goes. My game-changing routine.