Oct 1, 2023·edited Oct 1, 2023Liked by Colleen Crivello
There's a lot of good information here. In my opinion, I think if only one piece of relationship advice could be picked, the most important dating and relationship advice is possibly to follow the Gottman Ratio (where even though its based on studying married couples, I think it can be applied to dating, or even general social interaction if one is trying to make more friends). This is what it's about: https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-magic-relationship-ratio-according-science/
The Gottman Ratio presents a problem that needs creative and unique solutions, where each person has to be able to show vulnerability in a way their partner more likely sees as a sufficiently positive social interaction, and get a response from their partner they see as sufficiently positive social interaction, in order to continue or deepen emotional intimacy. In my opinion, between different types of attachment trauma, non-traumatic personality differences, and general gendered brain differences, a lot can go wrong here. But Kay and Milan Yerkovich, Sue Johnson, Gary Chapman, John and Julie Gottman, and Jeff and Shaunti Feldhahn have all given a lot of great information for navigating that and also deepening the emotional bond between people.
I couldn't agree more. That “magic ratio” is 5 to 1. This means that for every negative interaction during conflict, a stable and happy marriage has five (or more) positive interactions. it's what keep the good will jar full and able to drawn on in challenging times. It's a great topic to weave into. Thank you for sharing.
Great article and a hearty YES from me to all of the above (and to the regrets that I did not know this stuff in my first committed relationship!)
If only... well hopefully those starting new relationships can take something from this :)
There's a lot of good information here. In my opinion, I think if only one piece of relationship advice could be picked, the most important dating and relationship advice is possibly to follow the Gottman Ratio (where even though its based on studying married couples, I think it can be applied to dating, or even general social interaction if one is trying to make more friends). This is what it's about: https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-magic-relationship-ratio-according-science/
The Gottman Ratio presents a problem that needs creative and unique solutions, where each person has to be able to show vulnerability in a way their partner more likely sees as a sufficiently positive social interaction, and get a response from their partner they see as sufficiently positive social interaction, in order to continue or deepen emotional intimacy. In my opinion, between different types of attachment trauma, non-traumatic personality differences, and general gendered brain differences, a lot can go wrong here. But Kay and Milan Yerkovich, Sue Johnson, Gary Chapman, John and Julie Gottman, and Jeff and Shaunti Feldhahn have all given a lot of great information for navigating that and also deepening the emotional bond between people.
I couldn't agree more. That “magic ratio” is 5 to 1. This means that for every negative interaction during conflict, a stable and happy marriage has five (or more) positive interactions. it's what keep the good will jar full and able to drawn on in challenging times. It's a great topic to weave into. Thank you for sharing.
I second this! It's a powerful effect, this ratio.
https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=pfbid02vL4U5ALumoHTr3cEomtTBpfsaufGtFU8sRquzsBoBUDFvvVB1Fq9cGqb6CRArtjTl&id=100090127809685&mibextid=Nif5oz